I just spent an hour writing my post only to have it be deleted. I am very angry.
I am basically only re-writing this because I said I was going to write one post each day for 365 days and I will not be a liar dammit!
Ok, short story-time version:
When one grows up financially lacking, there are two ways that their relationship with money usually goes:
- Spend everything you have as soon as you have it because you never know when you’ll get it again.
- Hoard every cent because you never know when you’ll have money again if you spend it.
My problem was of the first variety.
As soon as I got my hands on any money, my first instinct was to spend it. The worst part was that after I obtained a credit card…I spent even though I knew I didn’t have the money in the bank to pay it off.
I remember once while going through a breakup I bought seven pairs of shoes. (They were all dancing shoes…I don’t even dance! I wore sneakers all the time!) After my hardest breakup of my short life, I bought…a car.
The worst part is that since I didn’t have a stable job, my mom co-signed for me. Which meant that I hurt her credit by making a few late payments.
I still feel badly about that.
This reckless spending made it incredibly difficult for me to fix my financial life after college. Silver lining: since I no longer had access to credit, I was forced to buy only what I had cash to pay. Also, after obtaining my first full-time job after graduating, my spending declined, partially due to the fact that now I had a stable job and knew I was going to get more money in a couple of weeks.
I didn’t make the connection between my spending and my avoidance of emotions until after having been in therapy for years. Expensive lesson!
I just wanted you to know that I am by no means perfect and that I have had my share of issues with money. So when I share with you things that have helped me, I’m not just talking out of my ass. I’ve lived through a lot and made it through to a more peaceful place.
I’m still not where I want to be, but I know I’ll get there.
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